Worry, worry, worry

Today I'm joining in with Shell at Things I Can't Say for Pour your Heart out Wednesday. 

I think I'm paranoid.  And sometimes I'm paranoid about being the only one whose paranoid.  Or maybe I'm just crazy.

This morning I saw an ambulance heading in the direction of my house.  Even though I had left the house about 5 minutes eariler.  Even though I knew the only person awake was Leah.  Even though every rational part of me told me I was crazy; I still had the brief thought, "Is that going to my house?"  "Did something happen to Leah?"  "Is everyone ok?"

So, that thought lasts for about five seconds, quickly followed by calling the house; and then it leaves.  Of course I know nothing happened at my house.  Of course that ambulance is not heading to my home.  Then I usually say a quick prayer for where the ambulance actually is going ... which is not my house.

Am I the only one who thinks like this?

If Andrew goes out to run an errand that takes longer than I expect; I start to worry.  If he doesn't answer his cell phone, I just know some horrible accident has happened.  And then he walks through the door.  Everything is fine, everything is good, but why did I even think of something horrible happening?

Is it because I watch too much drama tv?  (maybe)
Is it because I'm a Mom? (probably)
Is it because I love my family and want them to be safe always?  (yeah ... it could be)

or is it because I'm just crazy?

Worrying is always something that has bothered me.  Sure, it grew ten-fold the day I said 'I do', had my first baby, and then my second.  But even in high school and college; I was a worrier.

I can recite Matthew 6:28 by heart.  but I still worry.

I have peace in my soul that whatever happens, happens for a reason.  but I still worry.

Is worrying a bad thing?

or am I just a crazy worrier?

I don't know.  I don't know how to answer.  I don't know how to change, or even if I want to change.  If I change, if I quit worrying does that somehow make me less of me?

I'll leave you with this:

²⁵"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
 ²⁶"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
 ²⁷"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
 ²⁸"And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, ²⁹yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
 ³⁰"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! ³¹"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'
 ³²"For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
 ³⁴"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
--Matthew 6:25 - 34