I cried in Publix

photo via here ... she hates them too

Publix has these carts.  If you don't know; Publix is a grocery store in my town (and others).  My girls love these carts.  They pretend they are driving.  Then the cars are flying and they are pilots.  Then they need to sing songs on the radio and make the groceries fly into the cart beneath the car.

I hate these carts.  They are like trying to drive an 18 wheeler while texting with strong winds on a narrow road with a sharp curve ahead.

But, without fail, we always end up with one of these carts.  It makes the girls happy ... and that way they are a bit quieter.  

Today, I had to go to the store by myself.

I already have a bit of social anxiety.  Crowds make me hyperventilate; it's that personal space bubble.  Don't violate my bubble.

Today, I had to watch a time while shopping because I started picking up some Sunday shifts at work for overtime and I work in a lab so I stuck my samples in a put on a timer and took the kids to the grocery store. (ok, the work thing is a bit more involved, but hard to explain).

While pushing my girls in that enormous car-cart and chewing gum, I chomped down way to hard on my lip.  It hurt.  It bleed.

So now I'm trying to steer this stupid car-cart, chewing blood, watching the time on my timer, marking items off of a list that is not in order of aisles at the store when I took a turn not sharp enough and ran straight into a display of mugs and coffee.  

A few mugs crashed and broke.  I froze.  Leah told me I shouldn't run into mugs.  Then she told me they broke and I made a mess.  Audrey told me 'uh oh.'

While the seconds slowed down and I stared at the broken pieces, a Publix employee rushed to help me.  *sigh* I thanked him and tried to hand him a broken piece that was stuck under my cart when he told me in a gruff and irritated voice, 'just don't touch it, please.'

The please didn't help, dude.

And I lost it.  I actually kept it in.  I only cried a little.  I could've wept.  But I did cry.

While walking down the cracker aisle, surrounded by Goldfish and Cheezit's; tears crept down my cheeks and I toke deep breaths trying to keep it in.

The girls feel asleep in the car on the way back to work.  I watched them sleep and the anxiety, the huge car-carts, the mugs breaking, the irritated employee, the small tears, are all for them.  And as they sleep, chests rising slowly, breathe easy, it makes sense.  I remember how very much I love them.

Sometimes you just have those days where you need to shed a few tears in Publix.