Friday, October 29, 2010

Her Perfect Night

She breezed into the party with a newly discovered confidence.  Her dress was absolutely gorgeous; a present from the new high end boutique.  The shine on her jewelry reflected the money he had spent for her.   Her face radiated satisfaction and confidence.  It was her night to shine.

With her hand placed perfectly upon his arm she could feel the glances being shot her way.  She saw the guys look her up and down, and the ladies quickly turn to whisper to their friends.  Once she had been the woman envying, and now she was the one to envy.  It was a great place to be.

Together they floated through the crowd, passing the beautiful, the rich and even the governor.  At the table he left apologetically to be gone for a second, but with the promises to return with drinks and more.

She felt a tap upon her shoulder.  Of course, someone would want to complement her outfit or her jewelry or her man.  Although as she turned she noticed the gaze from the woman behind her was not one of flattery, but rather more sinister and vengeful.

Quickly the woman pulled her up from the table; dragging her into a group of women standing nearby.  Each had a gaze of hate, of spite and possibly of revenge.

She started to tremble in her brand new $500 shoes.

The girl who brought her there spoke first.  “You don’t know what you are getting into.”  The words came out with an air of experience.

“He’s evil,” another girl chimed in.  “You just don’t know it yet.”

“Trust us.  You don’t want to get caught in his web of lies.”  The words came out with the fire of revenge.

She scanned the crowd for her boyfriend as the fourth girls pleaded, “Just come to the bathroom with us.”  Surely, they couldn’t be talking about him.

Reluctantly, she tagged along behind this group of women.  Taking a second to really notice them, she saw they were all within about 5 years of her and beautiful, but each one seemed to hold onto a secret story all their own.

Once in the safety of the women’s restroom, the stories started flying.

“He’s smoother than smooth.  He knows exactly when to smile and exactly who to make friends with.  He can compliment someone, walk into the next room and cut them into pieces without batting an eye.”

“He is charming for sure.  I once heard someone say he could charm the meanest rattle snake if ever given the chance.”

“He will love you right and do you wrong.  The second he gets tired of you; you’ll be out the door and on your ass.  He won’t look back.”

“He is spoiled rotten.  He can throw a temper tantrum that would shame a two year old if everything is not perfectly his way.”

The accusations flew around her as if she was Dorothy caught in the eye of the tornado.  No, they weren’t true.  They couldn’t be true.  These women were making this up.  This was jealous in its most elemental form.  This was all brought about by her perfect dress and jewelry and shoes and her man.  They wanted him back.  They were just jilted lovers and could not control this jealous rage.  Yes that was it.  She was certain of that.

And she told these devious women just that much.

As she stood in a huff to exit the bathroom, a small voice spoke.  The fourth women, the one with the pleading eyes, the one who had been quiet until this moment spoke up in a meek voice, but it was the words, not the voice, that caught her off guard.

“You know he’s married, right?”

She turned to see the fourth woman appear from within the group of women.  Tears stained her cheeks as fresh ones threatened to fall.

“No, he’s not married,” she answered with authority that tried to drown out the doubt growing in her soul.  “I live with him.  He can’t be married.”

The sadness seemed to flow from her words as she told her story.  She followed him one weekend, just to see where he disappeared to.  He said it was a work trip, another weekend spent out of town, but something told her otherwise.  She saw the three story house on the cul-de-sac in the quaint little neighborhood out of town.  She witnessed the young boy and girl race from the front door into the open arms of their daddy.  She saw the woman holding the baby on her hip accept his kiss upon her cheek.  She saw the perfect family of five enter through the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood.

As she listened to this meek woman tell her pitiful story, the new dress upon her body felt like a trap to his lies.  Her shoes became her shackles.  Her perfect night, her night to finally shine, to be the woman everyone wanted was over before it even started.  She was now the other woman. 

She was now the woman everyone hated.

And she hated him for it. 

This story was inspired by Red Writing Hood's describe a villian challenge.

Please feel free to offer constructive criticism.  Also, I don't really like this ending, and I would love to hear if you would do anything differently.  Thanks for reading!


  1. oooh! I love the spin from victim to villian :)

  2. Wow. This did take a turn. I want to smack the guy!

  3. Reminds me of _An Education_. Classic storyline with a twist.

    I want more description, more dialogue!

    More, please!

  4. I love the story, the twist, and I did like the ending. My only suggestion is to better clarify the "She" you are referring to, as I got a little muddled in the middle between the main character and the wife. Perhaps using "the fourth woman" again in the paragraph containing her story would help to discern who you are talking about more easily.

    I really did love the twist you created there.

  5. This could really be something. Very interesting storyline.

  6. Good for those women! I like that we never really meet the villain.

  7. I love it!
    The villain could be him or her!

  8. I love a good twist. And YAY for the sisterhood! Saving that girl--good for them.

    Nice work. I'm hooked.


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