Tuesday, March 1, 2011

{Coffee} Time


If we were meeting for coffee today you would barely be able to sit down before I just have to tell you the cutest thing Leah said last night!

She was going through a basket of clean clothes, you know the laundry waiting in the baskets for the to find the time (or take the time) to fold it.  Yeah, those clothes when she found my bra.  She held it up and proudly proclaimed, 'this is Mommy's boob thing!'

I love the things kids say!

If we were meeting for coffee, surely this would prompt a funny thing your kid said, and together we would smile and laugh and enjoy.


I would tell you that recently I have really been thinking about the idea of writing for more than just a blog post.  Through all the different exercises from blogs and more, I feel my voice is more tuned than it ever has been, but I am struggling on starting because I'm afraid I won't be able to finish.

I have always been bad about starting and stopping and leaving projects unfinished, although if I leave this unfinished I'm worried it may harm me more than help me.  As much as I love writing fiction; I can't seem to sustain it for too long.  But whenever I focus on writing I always come back to my story, the one I lived.  I'm afraid not finish a piece of creative non-fiction will leave depressed or upset, but I really feel the tinge to write out my story.

If we were really meeting for coffee, perhaps you would share your tips and secrets for finishing projects or emphasize with me on your path full of unfinished work


If we were really meeting for coffee today, this would be the time where I would ask if we could talk about something serious; you know stuff discussed over coffee or cocktails because those drinks just make conversation easier.

I would tell you about last night.  How I started an argument without even thinking about it.  How Andrew just asked an innocent request; did I know where his pants were and I took it as him saying 'you lost my pants, why don't you fold clothes and put them away, why don't you keep up with the clothes, why can't you do anything right?' 

No, that's not what he said, but somehow those 4 words (where are my pants) twisted and turned and came out as darts pointed at me between my ear canal and my brain.

Why did I do that?  I'm not trying to sabotage our relationship; our marriage.  Perhaps I could go the easy way and blame my parents.  How I always tried to impress them, be perfect for them, but I always felt like I failed; everything was a failure.

Now, I have come to understand that I twist words to make them an attack on me.  I take innocent statements into fightin' words. 

I don't want to treat my husband like that anymore.  I don't want to show my daughters' that this is ok.

Do you think it is worth seeking council for?  I don't know anymore.


If we were meeting for coffee today, I would thank you for being here for me.

I'm not looking for sympathy or the perfect advice or the answers to anything.  I'm not looking for someone to solve my problems or my brain.  It's just nice to have someone to talk to sometimes.  It's just nice to have someone here.

For more coffee dates, visit Amy at Lucky Number 13


  1. Thanks for having me for coffee! I'd have to point out that we have the same name and spell it the same! Then, I'd tell you that your story reminds me about one about my son about a year and a half ago. My husband and little man were in the bedroom together and little man found my bra and decided to put it on! When he heard me come upstairs, he hid it because he didn't want to get in trouble! So cute!

    I know all about making words to be something they're not. Being aware of it is the first step.

    Thanks for letting me stop by!

  2. Wow. This is a fantastic post. I wish we were having coffee together!
    Marriage is hard, and it's work. Constant work. If your church offers counseling it certainly wouldn't be a bad idea, in fact I think every marriage could use some type of counseling!

  3. Regarding writing: JUST DO IT. :) What I found out to be most helpful is starting with an outline (a really detailed outline) and then it's just a matter of taking the piece of the outline in front of you and bringing it to life, instead of staring down the barrel of a full-length book. Also, I set a goal for each day: three pages. I can write three pages. Some days that's all I write, but others, I even do 5 or 7 or 10... But goal? 3. It's manageable. Others do it by word count too, so that might be helpful.

    Regarding the word twisting...I think recognizing it's something you do is definitely a good first start. But then maybe think more about why you do it, because there must be some benefit you (maybe secretly) see in doing it or else you would stop. Perhaps you get a thrill from having drama and conflict to solve? Perhaps you enjoy how it feels to have your hubby reaffirm his love for you or his approval of you, when he tries to explain that the words were misunderstood?

    I hope I don't come across as judgmental for asking those questions. Truly, I am not judging. I have had my own demons to fight - we all do. But maybe thinking carefully about whether or not there is some private benefit you get from acting that way will help you understand better why you do it. Counseling is a very personal decision, but at the very least, I think you should talk with your husband about it. Recognize together that it is a pattern and problem solve ways you both can help address. What things can you do to prevent it? What can he do to help you, either to back off the argument when he can see what it's really about and point it out to you when you do it (without being accusatory), or maybe even to stop giving you what you are passively seeking when you do that, and work to give it when you ask for it honestly and openly.

    {sigh} Marriage is work, isn't it? But it's so beautiful what comes from the struggle together, when you commit to making it better and loving. Hugs to you, and best wishes.

  4. Great blog! I'm the same way about the word twisting, something I never thought I would do when I got married....until I got married. Now that I'm aware of it, I usually try to combat it by conciously reminding myself how much my husband loves me, recalling a pleasant, recent memory of us, etc. Works for me....until the next time :-/


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